SCORECARD

Stella & Slappers
Blackwood 98 all out (38.4 overs), Fitmen 90 all out (32 overs)
Blackwood win by 8 runs

If there is a God (all faiths welcomed) then the fantasy points garnered at Barrows Lane would be expunged from the records.

This is no slight on either the visiting team or the home one. It’s just that there is already an outlet for this type of activity - and on Friday nights you can even play it with your European cousins knowing that your loss is our Olympians gain.

That’s not to take anything away from Chas’s welcome return to form, he rightly took the m-o-m on fantasy points for a tight piece of bowling (6-1-9-3) and 17 runs in the innings' highest partnership with Sunny (23).

Fortunately many (all bar 1?) of the side weren’t around during the Fitmens’ parks league era, where you got your runs quick or got out, and just had to bowl on a length since it would probably deviate off a turd. I’m afraid that despite the gear, the batsmen and keepers had no idea – no chance really either.
It’s very flattering for an ageing left arm slow bowler to bounce the batsman off a good length and nearly take off the keepers head, but when the next ball pretty much hits the same spot and does nothing who wins?

Of course there were acts of bravery, but the ultimately doomed attempt to be awarded bonus fantasy points for picking up the 1st kg of canine waste will probably only get Martin A a mention in the end of season awards and nothing on the bottom line.

The cricket................well, they started at a snail’s pace (another toss lost – tails man!!) and watched everything carefully. Going at about 3 runs an over didn’t concern the FitBowling, but in the end their opening 3 garnered 56 off the bat between them, and this eventually won the game.

They used the home conditions well and played to order: cover everything up, hope for the best and become a slapper at the sight of a long hop - on condition that it really was slow, wide and short.

Sunny (6.4-2-9-2) was straight and looked useful, Martin (5-1-11-0) dragged the score rate down even further and the three slow bowlers trundled in to give away 2 an over between the three of them. Howes spotted some rabbit opportunities and loped in for a couple (5-0-6-2) and the extras count was, given the conditions, reasonable compared with the previous week (19 in 38 overs).

The fielding was also a notch up on the previous week against WMD, 7 catches taken. At half time, a score of 99 to win looked modest. But it turned out that we kidded ourselves about our bowling prowess, and actually 99 was a potential mountain!

The tea interval, normally such a sedate affair, was shared with party time upstairs noteable for the impressive bodies (mass indexes, piercings and tattoos). Escape back to the green expanse from the Sunday Stella frenzies was welcomed and even the errant foxes couldn’t dampen the relief.

The FitReply started steadily – in fact so steadily that for the first four overs we were scoring at 1 an over. Looking back, the opening pair (The Don 10 & Tom 13) actually did remarkably well to stay there that long before the dodgy one got them. That everyone ‘had a go’ probably accounted for the lack of criticism of any of those dismissed and it was less about skill, it was more about luck.

With hindsight the plan should have been to play as Sunny (17) did at 8. Get your eye in (maybe 3 or 4 balls before your number came up) then blast as much as you can – ride your luck and see where you get to because you’re going to get out sometime soon, and you may as well go in a blaze of glory.

Just about everyone got a couple that were unplayable including Raj and Jack’s dismissals. They were both bowled to balls that should have sat up and been pulled to the boundary – but scuttled and rattled the bails off. They weren't alone - it was just that they looked the most bemused!

We didn’t help ourselves with at least two LBWs- trying to belt straight full tosses. But that’s what happens when you have no faith in what might happen and you know you need to take full advantage of anything that doesn’t pitch.

Throughout the reply the Fitmen were on the run rate – indeed ahead for much of the innings. It was always possible to overhaul even when the last pair needed a dozen or so. But the cruel nature of lady luck meant that getting in the right position and playing what you think is coming was no defence.

I’m sure Blackwood will be looking forward to playing at our ground next year – but in the meantime, we hope the expensively assembled covers, nets, sightscreens are mirrored by getting that pitch through intensive care over the close season.