SCORECARD

All The President’s Men...

Old Moseley Arms Fitmen 247-8, President’s XI 242 All Out

Fitmen win by 5 runs

All the President's Men is a 1976 American political thriller film, based on the 1974 non-fiction book of the same name by Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward, the two journalists investigating the Watergate scandal for The Washington Post. The film starred Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman as Woodward and Bernstein, respectively.

In this case All the President’s Men failed to make a complete eleven, in part due to late withdrawals. This despite the promise of a barrel of beer and post-match barbecue. They also couldn’t, to paraphrase Humpty Dumpty, put Frosty’s knee together again. This being on the same day that Earth, Wind and Fire cancelled their appearance at the Moseley Jazz and Folk Festival, perhaps for similar reasons? Who of the President’s XI was Earth, Wind or Fire is open to conjecture.

Your reporter had not yet arrived at the ground when the toss was taken, but the Fitmen batted first. In roared Ben Jowett to test out Tom Caesar and Taz, but the only thing he put to the test was his back. 3 overs later, that was the end of the match for Ben. At the other end the Chairman wheeled away for 5 overs, but was unable to produce a breakthrough. The Fitmen innings proceeded serenely, before Tom picked out Phil Tompkins, fielding for the opposition to depart for 29. Rob then tried to find the middle of the bat for thirty-odd balls, accompanying Taz to his half-century before both fell with the score on 119.

In hindsight, this might have been a bad move for the President’s XI as in came Bice and Tompkins, who proceeded to add another 66 largely untroubled runs, before Phil’s time was up and he became the first of the Demon Bowler Howarth’s victims. Bice tactically retired on 50, Sunny came and went for a quickfire 17, Neil Smith, Tuckerrrr and Tom Houlgate didn’t trouble the scorers much, but Guy did some serious damage to Bal’s figures with 19 taken from the final over.

All were glad to retire to the pavilion for a tea that surpassed in quality and quantity anything that had preceded. This time Sunny accompanied his chicken wings this time with spicy onions, that hinted at the inclusion of Agent Orange; such being it’s fieriness. It was with reluctance that the Fitmen left this magnificent repast behind and take to the field.

Sunny and Guy opened up against the experienced duo of Sharif and Dave Birman. Birman was first to fall; ordered to walk the plank LBW, by Umpire Frost. In strode Ian Nutt in the elevated position of No.3. Despite the effects of altitude sickness, he was able to garner a couple of boundaries off Sunny, before being accounted for by Guy, courtesy of a catch by Bice. Howarth batted composedly for 15, neatly avoiding the special fielding positions allocated to him and Sharif finally fell caught and bowled by Raj for 23. With the score standing at 84-4, the target of 248 seemed a long way off.

Will Caesar and Ade then took the fight back to the Fitmen, who by now were running out of bowlers and fielders and the President’s XI were back in the game. First Rob Green and then Neil Smith had their bowling plundered, but at the other end Tuckerrr was bowling well, eventually snaring Will for 44 courtesy of a mid-wicket catch by Smith. Rob’s knees packed in and he was forced to withdraw, but fortunately the batsman who is the leading wicket taker had returned from his mid-afternoon social to put a brake on the scoring and remove Bal and Sunny Singh – hang on isn’t that the same Sunny Singh who batted and bowled for the Fitmen?

In between times, the Chairman rolled back the years with 27, before he was in his own words dismissed by his son “who can’t bowl”. A little harsh on Tom perhaps, but a neat caught and bowled that pretty much settled the game.

Where could the President’s XI find another batsman to support Ade (by now into the 70’s, note NOT his 70’s) on the great quest for glory? His Lordship had hobbled off, Jowett was probably having a rub down and a multitude of others “had other engagements”. A willing volunteer was found in the shape of Monty Martin, who reduced the average age of the President’s XI “significantly”. If only he could hold up one end whilst Dad plundered the bowling from the other. It was, in the words of Sir Alex Ferguson “squeaky bum time”.

Six runs were added by father and son in partnership – only one of Ade’s big hits would win it by now, but tragedy of tragedies; the bails were dislodged and the Fitmen had won by a mere 5runs.

Great fun was had by all, but the difficulty in getting eleven players for both sides took its toll.